Janus: Two-Facing

 

I found him king-of-the-castling on August 17, 2014 atop a newly arrived mound of rubble.  This view is toward open water.

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A ten foot clips-on-bike-shoes slippery scramble to leave a note on that shard of orange brick on his pedestal.

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Oh, you are too cute to
ignore even if it means
clambering over this
pile of deconstructed
city to get to you!

 

On his other side, the side looking toward the city, I left this note

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Looks are deceiving,
yes? At first glance from
the other side you’re
simply cute up here.
But from
this side
your rusty hair does not
obstruct your view either —
forward and back
like Janus as you stand
here in the present. I
admire this about you.
It can’t be easy seeing
that much, being rooted
here. Or does it provide
you with some hold on
absolution?

And only one week later.

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From August 17 to October 12, 2014, Janus experienced numerous alterations, semi-deconstructions, reconstructions and witnessed a sinister incursion. On each occasion my response was written on some suitable surface at hand.

And now, backtracking a little to the day of the incursion.

On this late August day the ride along The Spit entry road was unusually quiet. No birdsong, no cormorant squawk, no wind rush sound in my ears — so quiet in fact, that I could hear the insects singing. Not a single rabbit scampered to safety just ahead of my front wheel, when so often at dawn there could be twenty or more successful dodges between us.

The point, where I did most of the creative instinct tracking and writing was hushed. Suddenly, THUMP, that distinctive hollow sound of heavy objects striking ground underpinned as The Spit is by rubble and its air pockets. I stopped, breath held, silenced as if obedient to some instinct.

I crouched. A little hidden and wrote.

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Stunning, sobering
the dark force of him.
I heard it first, one clunk as something hit the ground.
It felt somehow notice-worthy when normally such noises out here only register.
Slowly, ever so slowly moving across you
searching eyes
until he spotted his next victim
so sadly thorough and complete his work. I saw him moments later sitting
roadside
bare footed, alone — perhaps the victim of a chaos governed broken heart.

Looking up every couple of words to keep my eye on him I suddenly felt a deep shift . You know the split -second moment - that impossible to put into words eye-lock instant. I moved very slowly keeping him at a constant distance thinking, ‘He is without wheels, I have my bike. Stay. I can outpace him .’ And so, we inched keeping that gap steady between us, our eyes not meeting again, mine averted for fear of triggering something unpredictable in him, something more powerful. Despite my bravado, foreboding allowed no further writing that day.

He appeared and disappeared only once into the path leading up to the lighthouse. On all of my subsequent visits that path has never again looked quite so beautiful, mysterious and sinister as it did on that day.

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I remain altered by that encounter. It was more information about The Spit than I wanted at such intensity. The guys from 2012 target practicing were enough.  To this day, I cannot unknow their impact or his presence, his methodical determination, taking his time e v e r   s o  s l o w l y,   ever so deliberately until every single creative act was razed. 

But then again, The Spit is impartial and deeply dimensional, wild and unpredictable. It holds the tension of opposites with such grace. It has never been my intention to change it (as IF I could) or to avoid this truth. The Spit’s contrasts and mysteries are what draw me. Best to remember this.

I had another rule for myself:  not to rebuild anything that has been altered or destroyed. But I was attached to this one. It occurs to me as I write today, that I must have needed to soften the blow of that assault from the week before.  I did a little restoration work, just a little.

 

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And left this note.

 

…with the hope
that this is as good
a reconstructions as
Humpty’s might have been.
You are just too good to let go.
Hold on! Hold on!

Until October 12th, when only this remained.

 
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The granite slab on which I had written to Janus at our first meeting was laid, writing side visible, on his concrete block pedestal. I added this to the existing text.

 

The thought of you still
lingers here — so it seems
that someone has remembered,
has held your thought in this saved note.

By October 25th, all traces of Janus, his pedestal and his rubble mound had been bulldozer-obliterated. The Spit had grown a little and it was time to begin again.

And for us, you and me, until next time.

The Stealth Art Collective

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Good Night Little City, Time, and a Victory.

It’s cold out there but the wind is behaving. 

Today my warm-weather biker self is wondering at this nut case who is out here in November.  I’m dressed in so many layers, I feel like the Michelin Man. 

As soon as I see that yellow gate closed across the Spit’s entrance, all things except my determination slide out of my head.  I push at the chained gate to widen the gap a little more, enough to squeeze in myself and my bike.  Already this is feeling deliciously illegal. 

There’s not a single soul on the inner road, well, human soul.  A monarch caterpillar beats a path across the road in front of me. Out of transformation time, he’s made his commitment. I’ve romanticized the monarchs. Now I remember how tough they are and am encouraged to think he’ll make it.

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He stops.

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I slam on the brakes. 

He needs a little help to safer ground.

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On the bike again, I’ve convinced myself it’s only cloudy, not anywhere near twilight. 

Focus! Pedal hard. Keep warm.

Wait, just a sec, off the bike — checking in on the situation with the Magnificent Pile and I take as usual, more time, a lot more time, unmeasured time.  That’s the trouble out here, time passing becomes like when I was a kid, back before there was time.

I rationalize that it will be okay since I’m already so near The Little City, I can just push the bike those few metres along the rubble cliff.

Okay, camera, check.  Pens, check.  Phone. Do not forget the phone, in case.

And then, surprise! Not only is The Little City still here, it has grown again.  Just look at that thing! 

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08 Nov 2018

The nerve of it!
How can the sun be
going down already?!
And me here with
no bike light.
I could stay here with
you mini metropolis
for the longest time —
waves breaking rhythms
on your shore.
Oh sigh — best I move on
with my nearly cold-stiff
fingers and my complaining
pen. She’s right I guess
the light fades minute
by minute now and
it’s a lightless 45 to home.

The mother-implanted apprehension of being alone in the dark in a remote place begins to surface as cold and wind and dimming light increasingly penetrate my fixation.  I am so far from the relative safety of the paved inner road. I climb over the rubble cliff edge, pack up my gear and begin to pick my way. Sometimes I ride a few feet, sometimes I just cannot see enough and am forced to dismount.  Anxiety ratchets up.  Finally, fear by now in my throat, I can make out the inner road. 

Anxiety down a notch.  Back on my bike, knowing the road is predictable, if you don’t count the potholes, and there is a sliver of moon after all.   I remember I’m an adult, not that overly admonished adventurous tomboy I once was.  Well, I’m hoping maybe still the tomboy.  Perhaps I can get her back.

I trade anxiety for exhilaration.  If I could ride no hands, I’d be throwing my arms in the air.  At the top of my lungs, I yell into the night, something defiant, victorious, and not printable. And then I laugh out loud, really, r e a l l y, loud.

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This part, surely this part of today’s adventure is what I was supposed to live. 

Good night, Little City.

Until next time.

The Little City (continued) - at October 2018

And so, the next month, The Little City is beckoning.  What a great downtown to go to for an introvert like me! 

This day I feel that familiar urgency to get there.  It’s already October and I’m running out of time – again.  I hear the cicadas.  It’s a warm day but not the choicest time to be courting. It’s October for crying out loud!  They must be in a muscle flexing frenzy propelled by season’s end intuition. I wonder at their urgency and how it is related to mine.  Their melody precedes and follows me onward from about halfway along the inner road.  I’m missing something. 

Of course! Nothing is ever just one thing. I figure that like any sectioned orchestra, the grasshoppers, perhaps day-night confused katydids, legs bowing on wings, may be contributing to this symphony.  And then there is the breeze with its foretelling undercurrents sighing over my ears and the lapping of wavelets once I get near enough.  I think how I will miss this concert. For months.

And there it is! I’m snapped out of my symphonic reverie.  I know by heart the above the rubble cliff landmarks by now.  I’m here. Slam on the brakes, ditch the bike, a few steps, peer over the edge. And, YES!

Today, despite a bit more sprawl, The Little City exudes its enchantment without letting me drift to real-world urban reflections like last time.  I am particularly motivated to hold everything Spit-magical today.

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A new tenant:

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And that little blue beach glass heart, the pen is claiming as a tribute for its ink. What a diva!

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I leave this:

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09 October 18

A linear page today
to echo your linear
orderliness.

Your ability to inspire
growth is, well is,
astonishing
considering your precarious
foundation.

My guess is that your sturdiness
depends on respect
and
admiration.

It doesn’t hurt either that you
have tucked yourself in here
below
the rubble cliff.

Do you plan to wander
to the sea?

Until next time. 

The Stealth Art Collective

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